the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
