Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
