You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
