just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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