his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
