I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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