i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
