I think I am morally bankrupt
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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