an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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