The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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