I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
