I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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