it wasn't lemon gatorade
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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