I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
