I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
