I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
