Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
