I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
