call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
