You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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