I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
