how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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