Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We need to rekindle our bromance
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
