and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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