NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
my liver is dry heaving
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
