God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
