Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
