so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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