I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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