Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
