So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
