weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
