so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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