Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
