I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
