It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
