Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
