Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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