He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
