had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
