I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
