So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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