Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Fuck appropriateness.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
