i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
did i just pee glitter
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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