I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
