Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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