So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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