Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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