Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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