Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
