Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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