girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
