My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
