Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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