I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
