no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Pooping to opera.
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