am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
