cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
