i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
