im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
