dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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