So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
