The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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