In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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