Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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