I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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