hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
