That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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