i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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