I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
