the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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