sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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