what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
