I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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