My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
