god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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