hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
