The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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