so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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