She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
