she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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