I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
