my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
