Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
did i just pee glitter
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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