I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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