very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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