My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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