He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
