I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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