Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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