I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
