One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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