she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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