no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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