I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
