TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
