he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
