Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
