Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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