Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
