Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
