I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
