i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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