We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
